Why Do People Prefer to Date Online Rather than Face to Face
One of the reasons online dating is so popular is that, depending on the website or application you use, daters can gather information in advance about the suitability and attractiveness of potential partners. On the other hand, many people find dating challenging because they feel they can't trust the information in their profile. The experience of feeling misled, used and disappointed is a setback.
According to their profile, we like and want a lot of the same things, working in similar fields and having a similar sense of humor. However, they were too scary for me. How could I be so wrong?He describes himself as a religious, hard-working, family-loving vegetarian. After I refused to sleep with him on my second date, why did he ignore me?
The Internet has created a shift in who knows what and our ability to collect trusted information. We used to worry about selling lemons in the car. While this can still happen in some cases, in general, we can collect a lot of information, which makes it more difficult for salespeople to understand.
As economist George Akerlof showed in his research on how the used car market works, there is no longer an asymmetry of information available. Today, we can study most things and sometimes know more than the seller. And there are a lot of laws, guarantees, guarantees and threats of poor ratings or reviews. That doesn't mean we're fully aware of the situation, but we're certainly more armed.
Still, we still don't know much about our compatibility with someone other than our previous Internet. We like to think we're doing this because of the photos, the information we collect, and the chat before the party, but we're not. It was always possible to have "amazing" dates from them never to hear again. A warning for those who are only out of one thing. Some people have been good at talking about their bottoms and haven't been spotted for a while.
Many daters, past and present, fall into the trap of believing that information obtained through dating sites protects them from problems. It feels like we're interacting with people in real life before we get to know them a little more. We believe that our attraction to a particular situation or our isolation from a particular trait and lifestyle signal seem to be indicators of commitment, which will keep us from spending time with someone who isn't a good fit.
Of course, if someone is acting dark before we meet, or we feel their profile is turned off, then we don't have to interact in real life. But once we decide to engage with someone and possibly engage with them, we step into the great unknown associated with knowing someone.
When we date online, they do not provide a service history or log. There were no benchmark results for their honesty, integrity, and emotional availability ratings.They may be everything they put down, and they may not. Each side holds and refines their information. Each of us is the thinker of our thoughts, the feeler of our emotions, the support of our needs, desires and expectations. But it's all relative because it depends on self-awareness, self-awareness, our availability, and integrity.
Sometimes we don't know what information we hold when date online. Sometimes we ignore information because we don't know if it's important or because we prioritize other things. Sometimes, whether we admit it or not, we're spinning this information.
We are not always aware of our intentions, motives, fears, and prejudices. We may be very honest, but that doesn't mean the other side is. We may be super aware of our intentions and values, but others may not. Someone can share a lot about themselves, and we still have to know them based on their experience with him or her. Neither dating sites nor apps can solve the problem.
If they differ from our expectations or how they portray themselves, it's not that they have changed; We have to understand them. If we look at dating as a phase of discovery, then theoretically because each party should know each other, there is no such imbalance. Information asymmetry. Of course, this is not the case in practice, for the following reasons:
Not everyone approaches a date in a confident, honest or authentic place. For example, many daters see a date as an audition for a starring role in someone else's life. "Choose me! The problem? It affects the information they collect and convey.
Regardless of our intentions or knowledge, sometimes the other party has far more material knowledge than we do. If they knew they were going to cut and run at X point, or if their former partners had encountered the same problems as them, and they claimed that those problems were in our imagination, we were not the party to this hidden message.
When trusting what we find through online dating, the answer is to avoid extremes. There's no need to continue as if everyone is dark, but neither do we need to be naive. Being disappointed in the wrong relationship is part of growing happily in the right relationship. We can't avoid disappointment because it's part of the journey to get close to the right relationship.
However, we can stop letting ourselves down by not treating online dating as a comparative market! What we look for or reveal on dating sites is not necessarily what we need in terms of compatibility. We must expect due diligence rather than treating the dating profile as a fact-based relationship credit score. The discovery phase of dating means seeing it as someone we have to know personally and may or may not meet expectations.
Adulthood is about forgetting all the unproductive and harmful lessons we learned in childhood. We all assume what we need, how relationships work and what love needs. In order to find the right partners and enjoy mutually satisfying relationships, we must correct any misunderstandings represented by our assumptions.
When we wait for the other shoe to fall off or we know that we're ignoring information but going on anyway, there's always an imbalance. We cannot deny, rationalize, minimize, assume and forgive, and expect confidence and trust. You may wonder, how do we achieve symmetry of available information in our relationships?
Through trust and vulnerability. We have to be happy to know what we've done, not just what we assumed. We always find out more about the people we like and care about. Mutual trust occurs when parties keep emerging over time. It's not something we get from dating profiles or a few dates.